I am with the sinners. Straight up, might as well face it. That is, to be aware of being a sinner and that being saved has nothing to do with how good we judge that we are, or can become. In the gospels: MAT 10, 9-13 MRK 3, 15-17 LUKE 5, 27-32 Matthew (also known as Levi) the tax collector was an outcast in his own community and he frequented with other outcasts (sinners). He knew that he did not live in the ways of God; neither do I.

But it is not something that you can gain overnight, it takes time and discipleship and, anyway, there will be the element of not having that completeness – we remain  imperfect – even if we spend all of our lives trying; if we ever judge ourselves to be what Christ asked us to be, then we have already failed because we do not have the God given right to judge ourselves or anyone else on earth. And that means anyone from any family, village, city, race, nation or religion.

Matthew felt that he was an outcast because he had done wrong in the eyes of other Jews and they judged him to be a sinner; I feel this way but I also am guilty of judging others. And Matthew did that too. The others – who judged him -were sinners too but they didn’t judge themselves that way, yet they judged Matthew and his crowd. At a behavioural level we judge people and let ourselves off the hook with our comparisons. Christ saw Matthew’s self-honesty.

Herein lies the truth then. It is in becoming knowledgeable that we are living without  God in our Spirit , we are aware of some of our flaws, so we can begin not to judge others. This truth is liberating to ourself and to others. To put it into practice though takes time and patience with oneself. Yet, herein is the path, the way.

There is absolutely no religion, including Christianity, that requires anyone to “defend” it. By forcing views or forcing arms we pretend it is our defence of something Holy, but it isn’t. All we have to do is live it out. Live it. Instead of telling everyone else what to “do”, we become our own best teacher and pupil and save everyone else from hearing our boring views of the world including our damning judgements.

By doing this, we become aware of our own block to God  and thereby are given a lifeline and a life time to heal the disconnections. That’s it. We do not need to turn into the Christ or even into a Saint, or into even an orthodox Holy person. We simply are required to look within, to try hard to be honest with ourselves and to allow the honesty and its truth to work within. There is no need to judge anyone else according to our behaviours and our opinions – upon whose prejudices indeed, do we base our opinions? Picking out the plank in our own eye, is preferable indeed to seeking to pick out the splinters in others eyes.  We have more than enough for a lifetime’s work in attending to ourselves.

So Saint Matthew gives all of us the hope of personal honesty, truth and the beginning of becoming non-judgemental. To judge is to sin and yet we do it all the time and make our excuses. But still, when we become aware of what we are doing , then we are becoming honest with ourselves. That is a great act of the beginning of healing and wholeness. Even though we may still fall a thousand times a day by finding ourselves judging again, but that we are aware that we do this, is part of the healing process. To be aware. To be honest with ourselves and not to pretend that we are good or Holier than thou or him or her.

In this then, I feel a unity with Saint Matthew; I can be a right mess; highly misguided; fallen; in denial; pretending to try to be “good” in my own judgement; defending my behaviour by comparing it with others. But still enabled to find my way, however many times I might make another right mess of it. Just being aware is an enlightenment. A small flicker of light that might now be enabled to grow.

So I’m with the sinners.  On fear of death?  No.  On accepting life as it is. Yes, and a right bloody mess I am too!

(© 2009 Eileen Baker)